*starts thread where every comment is between asterisks to denote wordless action*

Burt Kocain's picture

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3 users have voted.

Comments

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to be seen without having to scroll off into infinity*
*also contemplates thread clocking over 200 for no apparent reason*

*doesn't know how to do the 'subject line only' trick*

*just put a full stop in*

*salivates at prospect of fried egg sandwich*

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*reflects that the old bassa can be quite entertaining on occasion, so feels bad about giggling*

*Holds handbag close to chest with both hands and makes "ooh get you" face*

for up arrows*

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*shudders*

*checks spelling of wryly because it looks wrong*

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*goes for a lie down until it's all over*

tiggerlion's squeezed-shut eyes*

Eh? pardon?

Sorry. I forgot. This is the *silent* thread....

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*crosses legs*

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*reminisces wistfully about the threads on the old site*

*and reflects that what this blog really needs is more threads about tax dodgers, racism and football*

...apparently, but am I the only one who doesn't understand what's going on at The Afterword lately?

Threads about threads, making fun of threads about making threads, changing thread titles at random...

Every time I've viewed the front page in the last few days my first thought was "Oh, the programming's gone mad..."

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suggesting she contributes old-school Word Blog piece and explaining concept of mindless fun. Forgets to post it.*

*reflects that Burt has broken through the 4th wall and is now addressing the audience directly like on Mrs Brown's Boys, except in this case there is at least a tiny element of comedy involved*

meta-TV*

where all the guests wore seasonal jumpers and smoked pipes in a Bing Crosby type homage*
*suddenly remembers the little train*

*...warning of meta-thread developing in Sea Area Afterword. 1 page, possibly 2*...

*hopes it has legs*

house centipede1 L
*see other thread*

and goes out in the sunshine*

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*electrocuted yesterday, sheared today*

'shear today, shawn tomorrow'*

*wonders how long it will be before at least one radio station confuses Ray Manzarek with Phil Manzanera, as someone did at my place of work today*

* gives wry smile as remembers that on 6 music Lauren Laverne has just referred to him as Ray Manzanerak. Which covers all bases.*

*sighs and shakes head*

*Nods agreeingly*

*remembers joke about Scottish rapper - as in "do you think I can sing?" - Kanye Fuck*

*And those who would sleep rough to acquire them*

http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/dude-you-slept-rough-to-buy-kanye-wests-t...

*idly wonders how many it would be possible to pick off with a sniper's rifle from the top of that nearby building before having to stop and re-load*

*And the shoes they waited 48 hours on the streets for*

*Goes online and orders more ammo*

 

*Offers to bring own rifle*

Punk is not sexual, it's just aggression
10-4 good buddies
Destroy, Kill all hipsters

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-OT3F8aTRs

*thinks self fortunate to have been spared whatever horrors that chap on the left has witnessed*

"Oh, bum"

Johnimator knows what an asterisk is*

*Wonders if this will work*

*at discovering Bingo totally absent from deleted thread*

I've taken enough punishment - here is a comment without asterisks

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*puts on Collar Of Shame*

disappearing into a black hole of meta-ness here

I said "at risk", cos it sounds a bit like "aster...." - oh never mind.

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oh fuck, unbalanced asterisk catastrophe*

*Yesss. Always wanted to use those two words in a sentence

**nothing to see here, just balancing the old asterisks
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Fuck.
 
 
 

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knows what an apostrophe is*

 

about the phrase "asterisk catastrophe"*

just, er, always wanted to use those words, an' that. *realises he's forgotten to use asterisks*

*thinks - Belle and Sebastian album?*

 photo bamps-flat_zps7085fc44.jpg

was a "DM's Baldy with flowchart" design because he know GCU likes a challenge*

Even I'm finding this a bit tiresome now

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? Is DM 'Direct Message' or 'Doc Martin ?

Bingo had the gall to post such a bad pun*

that it will have been the result of years of Gallic mirth and merriment from that jolly Mr Wenger*

Here he is on Sunday after calling White Hart Lane to start the rumour that we'd just let one in at Newcastle:

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picture to dart board; keeps failing to hit double 4; hates the irony*

 

*wonders why and if it's worth a separate thread*

*decides probably not*

*Awaits response*

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*Änd does*

*Wants to say "shit"*

*that nobody other than corganiser can see it so no harm done*

of thread in my head thread*

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*all hands on deck to push this beastie past the good ship Berkshire*

*

someone starts a sentence in the subject line

in another post*

into ongoing "Burt voodoo doll" project*

*puts secret code in comment space so it remains blank*

*decides not to push MB 25 more times just to prove a point*

*releases new Cocteau's 'song' and makes a fortune*

onto page 2*

EDIT: *sighs and says 'bollocks'*

in comment box breathing garlic in her face*

and hopes like crazy that minibreakfast mask doesn't slip*

*having had shear and strimmer injuries patched up and attacks Burt with damp facecloth found in Berkshire*

*mutters rude word*

?

*ohio, probably*

*Tin soldiers and Nixon coming, we're finally on our own*

*a single tear*

*that, after all these years, still don't understand the line "Gotta get down to it, soldiers are cutting us down, should have been done long ago"*

*maybe you had to be there but wasn't so shares confusion*

"How many more?"*

120 comments, thread is still on first page*

*pauses*

*decides she doesn't care anymore*

*gets back to work*

*suspects that she's not really getting back to work but in fact making/eating cake*

*halfheartedly contributes to conference call about data structures*

wholeheartedly contribute to a discussion about data structures*
*realise I was (am) exactly the kind of geek who used to do that sort of thing*
*turn beet red in shame*
*try to make mental note to pull head from a*se in future. Or now for preference*

Thing is, I'm normally wholehearted about everything I do. (Apparently this can be rather tiresome to everyone else, but hey). And that includes data structuring.

However, the project I'm working on has somewhat sapped my will to live right now.

Better get back to it.

*returns to the format*

*who will be the lucky one to tip this thing over*

phrase "Brown Submarine" into yet another thread*

*googles site:theafterword.co.uk "brown submarine"*

*punches air*

*sighs in realization that this thread is going to be present on the front page for the next 28 days*

*concludes that Corganiser would congratulate Burt if Corganiser hadn't had to go to hospital earlier*

reads above comment as 'wonders how Nigel's boss is farting'*

*oops*

*And wonders what the hell all this fol-de-rol has to do with Gerry Rafferty, Lionel Blair or The Mahavishnu Orchestra*
*Thinks not for the first time how much this place has changed since I were a whippersnapper*

*hmmm, threads about nothing are more popular than threads about Woody Woodmansey's U-boat...*
*Fatima XBerg was right, this place has gone a bit weird*

that nonsense usually trumps serious*

* Makes mental note to lay off baked beans* * Settles down and tries to take The Mahavishnu Orchestra seriously* * Gives up and decides to take Daft Punk seriously instead*

to the DP album right now - it sounds glorious on vinyl, and my granny didn't seem to mind at all that I had to sell her in order to buy it.

Ooh second page at last!

*forgets that everything here should be asterisked*

b****r

& tips hat to everyone for such a brilliant thread*

*goes off to read Dorothy Parker for inspiration, finds 1920s New York quite dissimilar

adding a comment. Realises life is fundamentally good. Mops up puppy shit, reconsiders ..."

*then suspects time difference may play a part, swats mosquito and prepares for sleep

that it isn't just puppy shit, it is Tony shit which is a completely different kettle of faeces*

* Begins to fret about the possibility of the nation one day having a lesbian monarch who has been artificially inseminated by an alien* *Books two tickets, one way, to Thailand*

*Remembers a time where she seriously thought Cruella deVille was her granny*
**Or rather, that her granny was Cruella deVille**
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*doesn't write it*

*basks in his own cruelty*

*directs everyone to the Pop Stars In Adverts thread cos he placed a Dusty Springfield ad for Mother's Pride bread there which he is pretty chuffed to have stumbled across and feels it may also entertain some of the rest of you*

That should be it, I think. We can all stop straining our bandwidths with asterisks. Thank you all for making this more a string of bright pearls - a pearly necklace, if you will - than a mere thread. There's been laughs aplenty, but yes, also a few sniggers and chortles along the way. (*ducks out of thread*)

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I cannot find which are new, and wonder if I have read blogs before or are they new, or is it deja vu again and again

nothing we can do about that unfortunately - when you click on the thread to read it, it gives you the first page and assumes you've read all the posts within the thread. So when you click on page 2, it doesn't see the "new" posts as new anymore. it's rather annoying, yes.

*not sure how useful his idea of doing a search in page for today's date is*
*posts anyway, just in case*

*twice*

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and thanks Hannah for the explanation

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clicks on work inbox *